I grew up watching action movies that were probably too violent for my age group. But, if you were a rebellious little 9-year-old like me, you probably spent some time daydreaming about what would happen if these characters were real.
Or, what would happen if you were a sidekick in the movie. In fact, I would have donated a kidney to be the kid in Last Action Hero.
With all the mock drafts and fantasy drafts in the world, I wanted to put a fun spin on it. Instead of drafting the best athletes, why not draft the best action movie star?
In this draft, you pick your own personal bodyguard from a pool of action movie heroes. You pick the guy you’d trust the most to have your back when things get out of hand.
Before indulging further in this 4th grade fantasy, we should establish some parameters. First, no robots, cyborgs, Terminators, or RoboCops. Bodyguards must be 100% human, it’s only fair. Next, selections are chosen by character, not actor. This means that every version of Arnold Schwarzenegger is on the board.
Now, let’s get to the draft. The first pick is in. Cue the music.
1.) John Matrix – Commando
Arnold is probably the best action movie star of all-time. If Vegas made odds on a fight between an Arnold character and anyone, he’d be the favorite every time. It doesn’t matter who his opponent is.
When I think about peak Schwarzenegger, though, I think of his role as John Matrix in Commando. This is a guy who picks up a telephone booth over his head (with a guy inside of it!) and tosses it like he’s in the CrossFit Games.
He has the perfect combination of fighting skills and athleticism. Both of which he showcases in the mall scene, where after fighting off a hoard of police officers, he swings from a long balloon rope onto the top of an elevator.
Matrix is an easy pick here. The guy has all the tools to be a superstar bodyguard for a long, long time.
2.) John Wick – John Wick 2
The pool of talent is huge here. But if you’re picking second, you can’t pass up on John Wick. The man they call “The Boogeyman” has piled up a body count well over a hundred.
You stick this guy in a room with a 50 angry henchmen, he makes it out with nothing but a few scratches. He has borderline superhuman skills. While he’s not as physically imposing as Matrix, Wick can easily dispose of anyone that tries to go after you.
He can shoot with pinpoint accuracy, and he has the hand skills to take down enemies twice his size. If you want a bodyguard you can trust, there aren’t many better than John Wick.
3.) John Rambo – First Blood
Are all the best action heroes named John? In any case, Rambo is a reckless savage. A symbol of American strength and perseverance. There are no questions about his ability. As a veteran of the Vietnam War, he has seen and done it all.
What is concerning here is his ability to adapt to the bodyguard lifestyle. Rambo is used to being a lone wolf. He’s not exactly a people person. So, could you fully trust him to protect you?
John Rambo is akin to a “raw” prospect in the NFL Draft, or a guy with “character concerns“. He’s hit or miss in terms of doing the job, but he could end up being a steal here at pick number three.
4.) Leon – The Professional
You see, Leon has experience in this sort of role. In The Professional, he takes a 12-year-old girl under his wing and shows her the ropes. If he can teach a snarky preteen, he can teach anyone the tricks of the trade.
A guy who makes his living as an assassin, Leon has what it takes to protect your neck. His teaching ability is an added bonus that boosts him into the top-5. Leon is a true two-way player.
5.) Bruce Lee – Enter The Dragon
Bruce Lee is another guy who’s overlooked on this draft board. No, he doesn’t have the chops to wield submachine guns like many of these guys. But, who wouldn’t want Bruce Lee guarding their back?
He’s a martial arts legend and one of the best fighters of all-time. His small stature could cause people to underestimate him, thus making him even more dangerous.
Lee’s one-inch punch showcases his amazing ability to harness supreme strength and unleash it at will. The quickness of his strikes is unmatched. Bruce Lee is a protector you can count on.
Now that the top-5 has come and gone, you’re on the clock. With the sixth pick, who would you select as your action movie bodyguard?
Let me know in the comments!
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